You're Listening to Your Team. You're Probably Not Hearing Them.

Prompted by “The Best Leaders Notice What People Don't Say. Here Are 5 Ways to Get Better at It”, Inc. (Marcel Schwantes).

Marcel Schwantes makes a distinction that sounds small but isn't: listening hears the words, attunement feels the person. Most leaders think they're doing the second when they're actually only doing the first — nodding, asking questions, and missing the pause that lasts a beat too long or the enthusiasm that's trying a little too hard.

His sharpest example isn't even a workplace one: a radio caller telling a funny story about his dad, until his pace slows and his voice softens — and the host knows what's coming before the man says his father has died. The skill wasn't hearing the words. It was noticing the conversation had already changed.

Are you performing listening?

Here's where this gets uncomfortable for a CEO: you're often the busiest person in the building, which means you're the most likely to be “performing listening” — half-present in a conversation while already thinking about the next fire. The employee who says everything's fine but has quietly stopped contributing ideas isn't lying to you. They're just not being asked the question that would get an honest answer, and you're the one who'd have to notice there's a question missing in the first place.

Test it out: in your next one-on-one this week, resist asking your prepared question first. Instead, ask what you're noticing about them lately, and then stay quiet for an uncomfortable ten seconds after they answer instead of filling the silence. See what shows up that wouldn't have otherwise.

Building the habit of noticing what your people don't say is the kind of thing we work on in 1:1 Coaching.

Looking for a place to discuss issues like this with other local business leaders? Join one of our no-cost Rochester CEO insight sessions and test your ideas with your peers.

Originally posted on LinkedIn ↗